living as a rollercoaster

  Yeah, it has been quite some time..Right now i know I should not be actually spending my time like this.. Things have changed indeed. I have took at least 60% of the papers. Yeah, you heard it, another 40% left. I am now just spending my time here, watching korean dramas and variety shows.. I feel like I just don't care about my studies now... People are always telling me, "Haha don't worry, you been mugging /working so hard everytime.." But i do not think i am at all. What people seen is just a side of me in school. Nobody knows what everyone is doing at home. As they say, " Everybody behave differently outside and at home" I of course do study at school, but it was never enough... Speaking about all of this, sometimes the people that you trust the most are the ones that hurt you the most. Or I would sometimes the people that can seem to be the most trusted the most are actually betraying the most. In conclusion, it seems that nobody could be trusted at all.

 I am a person who likes to express my feelings, ideas and all of my emotions. Because of that, it could lead to the worst things happening, Sometimes they get the idea that I am too negative or etc. the fact is that when I am displeased with something, i can't stop talking about it. Neither would i ever thought that it would be seen as complaining at all. that is the main point. I learnt that we should never get too attached to people, especially friends, because they change their minds everytime.
Friendship is fragile. In friendships, we can get replaced easily, even if you thought that the person would be your bestfriends ever. You never know who is backstabbing you. Maybe I should stop talking about things that are negative like this. Maybe that is just the human nature.. Nothing could be done after all. Sometimes I just need a place where I hope I could talk everything out comfortably. Does it seem very difficult after all?

  My life is indeed a roller-coaster right now, The emotions and lifestyle are changing, I felt like I am lost, lost in the world finding whom I really am. I need to reflect, to think, but that dosen't seem relevant anymore to me now..

  Honestly, I thought what I am writing now seem very vague. Events are not clearly described or explained. I have no idea why too. I just don't want to let out the events but more of my emotions. talking about the events dosen't help, although it helps in understanding what I was really feeling at that time.

  Things change very quickly, it is fast pace, it is intriguing. you never know what happens next.

  I have no idea what I am feeling right now, everything feels overwhelmed to me right now. I'll be back after I sort all my life changing emotions and events.

  signing off.
Carmen 01/11